Oh Frabjous Day, Calloo, Callay

Or something. I'm healing up from the surgery. It's not pretty, but it's not as ugly as it was. But my brain is still reeling from the change in status of my eyes, and the swelling isn't completely gone, so I still have some double vision, dizziness, and difficulty with balance. Whee. I have to walk more slowly than is my wont, and my depth perception is all off, so no driving for me yet. DANGIT!! At some point, I presume I'll get used to it. I had my first post-op appointment yesterday, and the Dr. said I was healing very well, that he was impressed, and that soon things should sort themselves out. My brain just isn't used to getting signals from my eyes in this new config yet, and so that's why I'm dizzy when I walk.

The surgery itself went well. It was an odd day. I was nervous, but distracting myself with fiction (a Robin McKinley paperback) until about when they took me in to the surgery area. They were covering me with warm blankets and saying something about wrapping me up, and just as I was about to get really nervous I heard "OK, it's time to wake up now." Which kind of threw me off. I was offered ice chips and told that my eye was weeping bloody tears but that was normal. The first thing I really wanted, though, was to blow my nose. Which after a couple of tries I was able to convey to them.

My throat felt sore, my mouth tasted awful, I was dizzy and out of it and tired, and I'm pretty sure I kept drifting off. They wheeled me to another area, Scott and Miki showed up, and everyone started badgering me to eat something. They brought me jello and crackers and juice and water. Everything tasted awful. Now I know what is meant by dry mouth. I could not work up any saliva at all, and it was hard to swallow. And Miki said they wouldn't let me go unless I ate, due to the meds. So she was trying to feed me stuff. The jello and applesauce I choked down, but when it came time for the cracker, it was just too much. I kept thinking (in a very drugged, out of it way) Really? Crackers? Are you people insane? Plus it just made me feel nauseated. Finally, one of the nurses said that if I felt nauseated I shouldn't eat. Her, I liked.

After awhile (an hour? I was pretty out of it) they let me get dressed and come home. I lay down on the couch and slept for about two hours, and then I was actually feeling pretty good. For someone on a lot of drugs, anyway. But the nausea was gone, and my mouth, while not great, was less icky dry. And the pain was manageable. Scott took care of me, made me soup and I watched "White Christmas" with one eye closed. Sometimes both. But I know what happens in that movie, so it's OK. When I got up on Saturday, I wasn't feeling too badly. A little dizzy, some sore, but I did the dishes and took a shower and picked up some things. Then I sat on the couch most of the day, but I wasn't feeling too badly, so mostly I had acetaminophen for my drugs, and not percacet. But then Sunday I woke up feeling like my eyeball was trying to escape, and freaked that the cats were going to jump on my head, and crying a little from the pain. Yeah. No good. Percacet all day. The eyedrops I have to have hurt like someone is trying to turn my eyelids inside out, plus socking my eyeball. Yay. But they seem to be working. I've stopped with the percacet and moved on to Motrin type stuff. It's supposed to get rid of the last of the swelling.

The pain has receded to regular sore muscle levels, but the double vision has been slower going away. Yesterday was pretty good in that while I was being driven to my appt I said I could concentrate on the traffic, and it looked relatively regular, although I got dizzy and tired. But when we were crossing over the 520 bridge, I looked over at Mt Rainier, and there were two of them. I could not make one mountain using both eyes. I felt like a Monty Python sketch. Although if I see two snowy mountain peaks, I almost never feel the urge to climb them.

Anyway, I've been working from home the last week, and it's been stressful for my coworkers as well, since we're trying to relaunch this project and I've been on the "Wha? I don't remember. Um, let me see if I can find that," side. Bah. I went in to the office on Tuesday, but I was so dizzy and my eyes got so tired that I gave it up after a couple of hours. It's much easier here where I can type or work on the screen for 20 minutes to an hour (depending on how I feel), then take a nap, or do laundry, or sit and stare at the back of my eyelids.

Which is why this post is taking so long. Short bursts on Scott's iPod are easier. Anyhoo, that's the update. Now on to xmas shopping and baking. Much more fun. Er, if I could manage to DRIVE myself anywhere. Bah some more.

OK, software fail all over the place. Now a couple of my user pics are just gone, and I don't know why. And I am having enough problems with software issues at work that I really, really can't spare the attention for livejournal picture disappearance. whatever.

Work is being especially crazy as we stagger towards our relaunch date, which may not end up being our relaunch date after all, but we're pretending it might be, even so. Nothing is quite right, and all the piddly little details we had to ignore in the face of the big huge details are now biting us in the ass. A lot. And meanwhile, the big huge details are still not working properly half the time. Or more than half. OK, hardly at all. And I have to make things work before I leave on Thursday because I won't be here through probably Monday while I take pain meds and see double and stuff. And the things I need to make work are resisting me with all their software might. Which is a lot of might, or just really well targeted might.

I may cry.

So that whole eye surgery thing is coming up Friday morning, which I don't really want to have, but I'm having because I need to and I've been putting it off, and it's a good idea even if it squicks me out. It's outpatient, it's relatively minor, but I'm nervous and irritated and I'm getting crabbier by the minute. Sure sign that any moment I'm going to crawl under a blanket and refuse to do anything at all. And cry. And then stick my fingers in my ears and sing out "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T SEE YOU YOU CAN'T SEE ME I'M INVISIBLE!" A lot. I think I'll take some chocolate under that blanket with me. And water bottles. And build a fort.

I almost feel better already. That is, until I look at all this stuff that's not working and irritating me. Stupid stuff. [Kicks feet at stuff] And you're ugly, too.

Happy day after turkey day. Had a loverly time over at Michelle's, eating and being generally merry, in a small group kind of way. Much food was had, and while I did not stuff myself too badly, my stomach is protesting the abuse still. Silly tummy, it's only carbs. (Mmmm, carbs.)

The work situation continues irritating, as while I am now able to get *into* the software I need to do my job, it is so slow as to take 30 minutes or more to do anything in it. Super bleah. I think I'll give up after this last attempt at an update. Being in the office is a little strange, as I think there are maybe 4 people here. Miki came in to keep me company (and do some work or something, I don't know). We did go get lunch and felt a little decadent taking about an hour and a half out of the office. But I think working on a day when no one is here is penance enough to justify a long lunch, right?

I am sad to be missing OryCon this weekend. But I'll have to work Sunday as well, to make up for my being gone next Friday for my eye surgery, and maybe the Monday as well, depending on whether the swelling and double vision will have gone down. Hope OryCon is a party this weekend. Boogie in my honor, will ya?

I'm kind of nervous about next Friday and general anaesthesia. I've never done this sort of thing before. But the risks in the surgery are reportedly low, so I'm, er, confident? Um. Suffice it to say that I've been putting off this surgery for 10 years. I really need to do it before I'm 40 and my eyes change more. So, um, yeah. Forging ahead we go. Should be all fine. Miki, that wonder-woman of all things medical, is coming along with Scott and me to drive us home after and to make us all calmer. (OK, me.) She's good at that. Swedish just called to confirm everything. Also, apparently I can't wear any deoderant and need to take two showers. Probably due to possible staff infections. They won't be cutting into any skin for this surgery (just muscle inside the eye), but I can see their point. However, people have surgery for far more serious issues all the time. It will be fine, as my mother is always saying.

Other than that, here comes December. 'Tis the jolly season, and I do loves me the jolly. I listened to xmas music while I was baking cookies yesterday, and I plan on doing more this weekend while I clean the WHOLE HOUSE FROM TOP TO BOTTOM before my surgery. (Kittehs beware.) I'm feeling a little manic about the cleaning, and while the xmas music might not make me less manic, it will certainly make it a cheerful mania. One hopes. And as the month progresses, I plan on decorating and baking and being relatively obnoxious because I like jolly and I like decorations and I like pretty lights. So nyah. Mr. Sweetie is less enamored of the whole process, but as I told him, he loves me, I love jolly, so he really doesn't have huge amounts of choice here. Poor Mr. Sweetie. I believe he'll live, though. Next issue: when will I find time to shop for presents? Um, Amazon is my friend?

I have to figure out travel plans, but I'm working on that. Money, money, money. Driving is starting to look like the best option after all. We'll have to see. Hope everyone had a lovely day yesterday, and a nice weekend upcoming. I'm leaving the frustrations of work now. Stupid thing finally uploaded, so I'm off.

It's a Sunday, and I'm at the office, trying to figure out why this translation module isn't working. Which is hard to do, because I don't know enough about the translation module to know whether I've done something wrong, there's something wrong with the file, or the company that sent us the file did something wrong, or the software is screwy. So mostly I'm banging my head against a wall, here. Yippee.

But coming in today to work on it is making up for the fact that I have no days off left, due to being out sick for four days the week before last. And I have that surgery scheduled on the 4th, and I would like to take a couple of days around xmas off ... meh. So weekend work is mine for lots of reasons. The other reasons all involve how insane this project is, and how many things are wrong with it right now.

I did have a small epiphany today, writing-related wise. I think some of my problems in writing this current story stem from my not relating to my protagonist the way I used to. I've gone through this huge life change, and now I feel like I don't know this woman I made up, and I don't know how to write her. Which is a big problem for me, as I'm pretty character-focused as a writer. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it right now, but I'm thinking about it. It's not an earth-shattering epiphany, but it bears some reflection, I think.

I've been typing this post during hang-time with the software I'm working with. So far I've been suffering through the software crashing, the software freezing, the software just not doing what it's supposed to, and other problems. I think that's enough for a Sunday. I'm taking my ball and I'm going home.

Hi all youse in Livejournal land. The quiet around here has been due to my complete horizontal nature since being laid low by teh crud. My boss thinks it was the swinetastrophe. I think it might not have been, but it most certainly was unpleasant. I've been more sick, but I'd rather not revisit last week any time soon, either. I did not end up going to the dr to get tested out, because about when I was going to go, the fever broke and I decided I was better off couch surfing.

So anyway, teh sick started making me uneasy Monday night, and by Tuesday morning I had a slight fever. But I Was Not going to miss the court date to get my divorce finalized, so while I didn't go in to work, I did put on my tall boots and some war paint (i.e. makeup) and drive myself downtown to go to the courthouse. My lawyer and I did not recognize each other, as it's been a year and more since we spoke in person, so that was a little nerve-wracking. It would have been amusing, but I was too nervous to be amused.

The whole paperwork thing took little to no time, once we were called up by the judge after checking in. A bunch of yes or no questions, and it was all over. A little anti-climactic, but I am officially divorced. The fat lady sang. Curtain closed. Theater shut down for repairs.

Afterwards, I met Sara for lunch, and then drove myself home. And then spent the next five days on the couch, coughing up a lung every ten minutes or so. Whee. I had to cancel a friend's bday party at our house because I wasn't sure I'd be up to having company, and I felt really bad about that. (Sorry Jerusha. I hope you had fun anyway.) And I missed out on some readings and stuff. And now that I'm beginning to recover from this, and had to take four days off of work, I can't go to Orycon this year. One, I can't take any more time off of work, so I'll have to work that Friday. And two, I now can't afford to go. And three, the following week I have eye surgery, so I can't risk getting sick again before that happens. So I'm bummed that I'll miss Orycon this year. Scott is going to go without me. On the other hand, we won't have to find anyone to take care of the kitties.

Speaking of bright sides, since all I was able to eat all week was soup, tea, sherbet, apple juice, and water, I lost five pounds. I mean, there has to be a silver lining for everything, right? So that's mine for being sick all last week. Lost five pounds. I bet it was all muscle. But if it was fat, then goodo. I'll try to keep it off.

Today is my first day back at work in a week. I'm a little lost on what all I do here. And there's a meeting in an hour. Oops. I think I need to go over some things first. Er, so I'll wrap this up.

Anyhoo, Mr. Sweetie took very good care of me while I was sick, fetching and carrying and dealing with all the whining and crabbing and moaning and hacking with aplomb. Plus he went to the store about 19 times, and he let me play with his electronic toys and put movies on for me and made tea about 7 times a day. Now let's hope he doesn't catch whatever that was because I'll have to be at work and I won't be able to reciprocate as well. Plus also I don't wish this cold on anyone.

So in conclusion, my voice is slowly coming back, I am no longer contagious with the plague, my divorce is final, I haven't processed that really yet, and fevers suck. Also that you can lose five pounds when you can't eat anything much at all. Although no guarantees as to what part of your body that five pounds was from. I don't think it was stomach muscles, though, as I've been using them constantly as I try to hack up internal organs. Yum. So those are nice and strong, anyway. But I don't recommend this regimen to improve one's singing voice.

Stay well, peeps. I'm going to try and use my brain now. Wish me luck.

In honor of next Tuesday's event, I thought I'd post this poem I wrote. While the poem is wistful and a little sad, the fact that I'm writing again is hopeful and makes me feel celebratory. So this marks a turning point in my healing process, I think. I'll probably write more healing-type poetry as I get back into the swing of writing. I used to write a lot of poetry, and it always seemed to help get me writing more. (Caveat: it's not always necessarily *good* poetry, but at least it's writing, right?) Yay for writing, and for healing, and for getting on with things.

 

( Lists )

Song for the day, because I just like it so much.

Bad Body Double by Imogene Heap

She pops into the bathroom
just after a shower and she
plays with my makeup and creams.
Keeps trying to look like me.
And goes through the motions
posing this way and that,
holding it in.
If it makes you feel better, then knock yourself out.

Say hi there to my bad body double
This is my bad body double trouble.
Oh no, my bad body double,
I've got bad body double trouble.

She's trouble, she's trouble,
she's trouble all right.
Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes I manage to lose her
shake her at a bar, in the gym for five minutes.
It feels so good to be back in my own self again,
can get quite confusing.
We look very similar except she's got some grays,
and a little extra weight on the sides,
and dimply thighs.
I hear that stuff's a bitch to get rid of.
Oh no, not now.
We're having quite an intimate, personal moment. (not now)
Could you maybe come back at a slightly less awful time? (not now)
She can see I've got someone quite nice here with me.
Can't we just be left alone?
I guess that's a no then, seeing as you're still here.
Seeing as you're still here.
Here...

It's not me, no,
it's my bad body double,
I've got bad body double trouble.
Oh, no my bad body double,
I've got bad body double trouble. (Augh!)
Bad body double,
I've got bad body double trouble.
Oh, dear, my bad body double.
My bad, bad body double trouble.

She's trouble, she's trouble,
she's trouble all right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's trouble, she's trouble,
she's trouble all right.
Yeah, yeah, right there.

Can't shake her, can't shake her, can't shake her, can't shake her.
Everywhere I go, everywhere I go, go.
Can't shake her, can't shake her, can't shake her, can't shake her.
Everywhere I go, everywhere I go, go.

Say hi there,
to my bad, bad, bad, bad body double.
She's trouble.
I can't shake her.
And I hate her, I hate her, Imma hate her, Imma hate her, Imma hate her.
She's everywhere I go.

I'm gonna get rid of you
once and for all....

Thwarted! As an addendum to the last post - none of the big chain bookstores near where I work have "Fire" in stock in the store. "It appears to be in the Seattle warehouse, but none of the stores have it on the shelves."

WTF? Seriously?

The booksellers at WFC did not have it on-hand, as they all said it was on order but hadn't arrived before they packed up for the con. OK, I can understand that. I was disappointed, but there you go. Didn't have a chance to run to a local bookstore in San Jose, so I was just CHOMPING at the bit today to get my greedy little paws on a copy. And now this? GAH! So I have to order the book to have it in my greedy little paws, and I'm not happy with this scenario. I mean, I want it already. Had I known aforehand that this happenstance was likely, I'd have pre-ordered like a smart person. Alas, I am THWARTED and sad. Meh. Stupid warehouses not shipping books.

I'll bet Ms. McKinley would be unhappy to learn of this. I did sort of exhort the information people to get the book in the store, but they were perplexed information desk monkeys as to why it wasn't there in the first place, so I'm not sure they have any control over that situation.

In other news, the con was fab, I'll update more on that probably tomorrow when I have reassembled more of my brain. Right now, I'm just sort of looking around at my work and trying to remember what it is I do here. Who am I again?

Squeeing here! Robin McKinley and Peter Dickenson have written another in their elementals series of books of short stories - "Fire: Tales of Elemental Spirits". (Er, bad sentence structure, but I'm too blitzed to bother fixing it, so, well, deal, really, is what I'm saying.) Anyway, the important part is that it's OUT, as in AVAILABLE, as in I COULD BUY IT TOMORROW! OK, maybe not so much tomorrow, as I'm on the road tomorrow. But Thursday I'll be at a convention that will be full of books, mostly fantasy titles, and SURELY they'll have a copy, right? RIGHT? And if they don't, it's not as if San Jose and surrounds are devoid of bookshops that would carry it. And I could then have it in my hot little hands and read it and hug it and squeeze it and call it George, or Fire, or Bobsyouruncle, or WHATEVER  I  WANT  BECAUSE  IT WILL BE MINE!!!!!!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ahem. I think I might just wander into a shop and purchase myself one of these. Perchance.

PS first in the series is "Water," came out some time ago, due to the fact that Ms. McKinley frequently starts out a short story and ends up with a novel, so her fire stories kept getting shanghaied. I can relate.

It's been an odd few weeks. I feel as though I'm drifting through the days distracted and dazed and not really aware of anything, skipping over a lot of important details. I'm not sure why that is exactly, although it might be partially weather related. The silent explosion of color, while pretty, is offset by the dark and the wet and the cold, which makes me want to curl up and sleep and eat lots of carbs. There might also be some inner survival mechanism keeping me pointed toward basic mobility while my inner landscape shifts and rumbles, but it's keeping me feeling a little scattered and a lot out of touch. I keep forgetting important things and losing myself in easy fiction because I can't seem to concentrate on much else.  It's starting to tick me off. But there are some reasons for inner-landscape shifting.

( Navel-gazing and news )

My friend Lara's wedding was on Sunday. And I'm still tired...

I want to write up a lovely post about it, but I have to admit to no brain at the moment. Perhaps this weekend. In the meantime, for those of you who wanted it, you can go to my flickr account and see some pictures. I'd like to post some here (in livejournal), but I just haven't figured out how to make that work yet. It just never lets me, and I end up with broken links and weird empty spots. So, um, go check it out at the flickr. Lara looked perfect and like a queen (but not that kind) and there's something to be said for stressing oneself into a heart attack beforehand, because the event went off without any hitches whatsoever, except for that between bride and groom. She should now be in Canada enjoying a pretty fall honeymoon with her Scott. With any luck he's convinced her to relax finally, although I do believe that once things started going she was having a good time, because look at that smile! She was gorgeous and radiant and they both looked immensely happy. Plus they couldn't stop kissing each other, which was pretty darn cute.

I was happy to be a part of her day. I tried to do my duty to y'all and actually take and post pictures this time. I totally stole some from LuAnn (the maid of honor) and I intend to steal more from others as they become available. I don't photograph well, so you'll have to take my word for it that I actually looked a little better than that. I hope, anyway.

Enjoy.

Familial boasting leads me to post that my brother Quinn Johnson has a website for his music. It's not a bad website, and it lists all the places he has upcoming performances, his soon to be released CD (in Japan, but hey, it's a CD) and all the people he's recorded with over the years. It's a pretty impressive list. If you like jazz music, go check it out. There are a few links to click to hear samples of the music he's written/performed.

Sisterly duty aside, he's extremely talented. That said, he's also my brother, so he's a big poopy-head. Nyah. *sticks tongue out in totally a grown-up kind of way*

(Our family is not comfortable with public displays of affection or pride. Therefore we must mock each other at all times. It's genetic. I blame Mom.) (Sorry Mom.)

Or I could dream about Walt Whitman. Which I did. I don't really understand any of it, and I hate it when my brain decides to go all "hey, let's play hide-and-seek with your knowledge base!" on me.

It was a stress dream at first; there was something wrong with the house I was in. I can't remember what anymore. But there was a very steep staircase from the front door above the street, where I walked out of the front door and I couldn’t see the stairs. There was the top of a denuded deciduous tree, branches poking and twisting over the edge of the porch. A chicken was perched in it. I told it it needed to watch out for the crows. Somehow I heard/knew about a campaign to save a painting of Walt Whitman at a local café. I wasn't sure how to get down from the porch to check it out. I suddenly was at the café, and the painting was really a charcoal sketch of an older black gentleman with glasses. The reason it needed to be saved? It was clipped poorly to the inside of the glass door of the café, about to fall from its metal clips. I thought the seriousness of the need to save it was a bit exaggerated. Also, in my dream, I felt that off confusion I get when there’s something that I think I know, but it’s out of reach. Walt Whitman was black? – I asked myself.

 

I sat at a table outside with another man whom I didn’t know. Another man was complaining to a gentleman at the next table “These folks don’t even know you!” as if it were a crime to not know the person. The first man turned around and said “This here is Walt Whitman.” Again, as though we should be ashamed of ourselves. And it turned out he was the black man in the sketch. And I thought – Walt Whitman is still alive? Not dead!Walt Whitman stood up to introduce himself. I stayed seated, and smiled in my normal shy, embarrassed fashion and mumbled “I really enjoy your work,” even though at that moment my brain refused to remember anything about Walt Whitman other than that I thought he was white and dead. For which I felt stupid, because here he was. And in the dream I was certain they meant the Walt Whitman that we all know I mean, so it’s not like he was some other guy who just happened to be named Walt Whitman.

 

Not dead!Walt Whitman shook our hands, thanked me about my statement, and started talking about his work with the gentleman seated at my table. That man said something like “You could’ve used more romance in your stuff.” Not dead!Walt Whitman said “Well, there was some romance between Billie and Ellie.” I felt like I knew that piece, and feeling suddenly like I could contribute, offered “That was really more like anger.” Not dead!Walt Whitman turned his head, smiled at me and said “assemble” (the French dance term way) the way one might say “touché,” and I flushed and felt stupid again, not sure if I had the right piece of fiction, not sure if Not dead!Walt Whitman was being ironic, making fun of me, or acknowledging a point. I smiled my polite, ingratiating smile that I keep on hand for whenever I’m out of my depth, and kept my head down.

 

And then when I woke up, I really couldn't remember if Walt Whitman was dead or alive, white or black, or anything about what he ever wrote, only that he was a writer. I had to look it all up on the internet again to feel sanguine in my knowledge of his writing and life. Which was never stellar, but at least I knew some basics. My brain just decided to eat that information and turn out something else for to confuse me. My brain is weird. Sometimes I seriously fear what will happen to me as I age and my brain decides to get even more devious about where it puts things like who Walt Whitman is, where my socks are, and whether or not that big object in front of me is a car, a bus, or a turnpike. Sersiously, I think I might be in trouble at some point. Sheesh.

I've been a bit lazy about posting here in livejournal - things are things, and as usual, getting away from me. I have been a relatively busy bee, and also completely lazy bee, and in my lazy times I'm tending toward reading brain-candy novels or old faves and keeping my head down. I don't know if it's the headlong rush to fall or the feeling that every day is filled with tinier men some obligation that is making me want to huddle under blankets and pretend to have free time, but it's made me far less likely to get anything substantive done if it isn't strictly necessary. So languishes the state of the bathroom. Luckily, I have backup, and he's promised to tackle that latter for me so I don't have to. Yayness.

( Random updatery on stuff. Also lavender green. )

Fall is here, not that you'd know it from our weather up here in the PNW. But this weekend we had a taste, and extra blankets and hot tea will be back in vogue soon enough. I rather look forward to it. I'm starting to experiment with gluten-free baking, and cooking too, and fall is such a great time for baking. Um, it probably won't help that whole losing stress-weight thing, though. Maybe I should go back up to 4 classes a week? And get a hamster-wheel so that when I'm spinning my wheels, I can exercise at the same time.

I have just learned that the much anticipated (by me, anyway) sequel to"The Thief,", "The Queen of Attolia," & "The King of Attolia" by Megan Whalen Turner, "A Conspiracy of Kings" is due out in April of 2010. I am simultaneously exhilerated and appalled. April? April!!?! It's so close, and yet so far! How will I ever make it? I want, nay, neeeeeed to read this book! Finally, to find out what happened to Sophos! And when the book *is* finally out, I shall hug it and squeeze it and call it George. And devour it post haste. This series is brilliant, and I can only drool in anticipation of the awesomeosity of the writing and the plotlines and the characters and the ...

Ahem. This is hardly the only book I'm waiting for in such a frenzy. But I have been awaiting word on this one for what seems like forever, because Ms. Turner is not a writer to churn out a book every 9 months. Not that there's anything wrong with that, either way. It just means that I have to wait longer between books. I can hardly castigate her when my own writing is not of the regular-book-a-year variety, at least not at this point. But I can cry a little that I still have to wait for the publishing side to deal with the ms and get it out to the public. Because I think at this point in the process the book is written, it's just not out yet. Due to schedules and typesetting and printing and all that. Meh.

In the meantime, I think I might stop by a bookstore on my way home and purchase some comfort reading. Because I just can't stand the waiting, so I'd better read *something*. Sigh.

This is entirely lisamantchev 's fault. (which came to her through a friend, but still, I'm blaming her.) But I am spreading the news of this video because it is teh awesome and it made me laugh. It's the ASL interpretation of Lady Gaga's "Love Game." And it's, um, an interesting interpretation. With boogie.  Also, it makes me giggle. I have to agree with Lisa - I'm not sure I believe that's the correct sign for "disco stick." But the point, she gets across. :P

There's a 15 books in 15 minutes meme going around facebook (and here, some) that I think I'll torque and use in my own, aimless fashion. Because I can, and because I really don't think I can wrap my brain around only 15 books that will always stick with me. I have more than 15 that I re-read every year, and there are many that I re-read every several years, and more that will always be important even if I never read them again. So ... wait, why am I participating in this again? Oh, because I'm tired and I can't concentrate on anything in particular. Right. Anyway, so I'm just going to name some books that I grew up with, or I love to re-read either for craft or story or pure escapism, and call it good. Or random. Or something.

1. Sunshine, by Robin McKinley. I adore this book. I've read it more than 20 times, I'm sure, although I wasn't precicely keeping count. In fact, let's add in most books by this author. Because The Hero and The Crown, The Blue Sword, Beauty, Deerskin, and most recently, Chalice, are all books that I feel the need to pick up and drown myself in every few months. I keep trying to read for craft, and failing utterly. It might be a failing of mine, but it's pretty likely that Robin McKinley is just that awesome. I only wish I wrote as well. These might be my most favorite-est books of all time. Others of her books I like, and I have most of her short stories, which are fabulous, too. But these are the novels I keep coming back to. She has another couple in the works, and I'm mentally rubbing my hands in anticipatory glee, even though it will be months, MONTHS before anything else of hers is out. I shall have to survive by re-reading these until the spines fall out. Or mine does.

2. Dragon Bones, and sequel Dragon Blood, by Patricia Briggs. So much fun, so much intrigue, such cool characters, and so little time. How on earth did she pack all of that in there? Another I try to read for craft, and forget every time within pages of starting. Her other books are fun and engaging and her characters are enjoyable without fail, even the evil ones. But these two, these are full of TEH WIN. Seriously. The spines are falling out of these books. Which is too bad, because they changed the cover art and I love the original cover art too.

3. Crown Duel, and sequel Court Duel by Sherwood Smith. These are really well done, exciting YA books. Yes, I love YA, what? And these are fabulous. I've been reading other things by this author, as well, and I like most of it. But these caught at me and they keep bringing me back. Is it the plucky heroine? The humor? The tension of the chase? The rushing pace of everything? Maybe all of it. Plus Shevraeth is hot. No really.

4. Archangel (and other Samaria books) by Sharon Shinn. I love these books. I think I might have to re-read them again. Fabulous world building, intriguing characters and plots, neato science fiction and surprising twists. Do you need more? Sharon Shinn's worlds are so multifaceted in all her works. I love pretty much everything I've ever picked up by this author. There's something about actual flying people and a world that has to prove itself to its God every year or be destroyed that is so compelling, though. Wow.

5. The Blood Books, by Tanya Huff. OK, seriously? Anything by Tanya Huff. Her characters are sassy and smart-assed and smart and tend towards short tempers and world-destroying problems. They work hard to solve them. Unless they're goofing around. But they always have a shit-eating grin and a pointed comment to make as they flip you off. And you love it. YOU LOVE IT. Trust me. Even when their worlds are really, really strange. Maybe even especially then.

6. Jack of Kinrowan, by Charles de Lint. I like most things by Charles de Lint. But this one is one of my faves, as is Forests of the Heart. I just like the intricate complexities of the problems, and I always love his characters. His worlds are dark and bright and wrap around you like a blanket that's kind of scratchy, but too warm to give up. Or something. Maybe I'm just tired and want a nap...

7. Freedom and Necessity, by Steven Brust and Emma Bull. If you're going to write fiction done entirely in letters and journal entries, I think this is the way to do it. Wow. This book always amazes me. I like many other books by these authors as well. But this one is pretty close to brilliant.

8. King of the Wind, by Marguerite Henry. Because it is possibly the first horse book I ever read, unless that was Misty of Chincoteague. I have been re-collecting all of her books, because I loved them when I was a kid. And, well, they don't hold up as well as I'd like. But I still adore them. From horse books to science fiction, that's how it went for me. I think because once I was done with the horse books in the library, I turned around and was looking at the science fiction section, and picked out Dragonriders of Pern, (which I also love, and re-read from time to time) and moved from horses to dragons in one swell foop. But I already had a good bent for the fantastic, so it's not like it was a far foop to swell.

9. A Horse for XYZ, by Louise Moeri. Written in 1980, it also hasn't held up perfectly (although slightly better than the Henry books, but that could be because the Henry books were written in the 50s, I don't know). But I got this book through a RIF (Reading Is Fundamental) drive in the 4th grade, and I have never let it go. This, Katie Kittenheart, and The Tenderfoot (title not certain, book long since lost) were books I consoled my weird, sidelined little soul with over and over in grade school. I don't think it's such a big coincidence that all three had young heroines who were trying to prove something, loved animals, and either had cats or horses or both as major plot points. Yes, I do now have cats. I do not have horses. But I would really love to take riding lessons again.

10. The Thief, sequels The Queen of Attolia and The King of Attolia, by Megan Whalen Turner. Oh. My. God. Read these. Now. Because they are so awesome I cannot speak of their awesome without giving too much of the plot away, and I'd hate to spoil the fun for anyone. But if you like fiction at all, I think you'll like these books. Holy Cow. She's supposed to be writing another, and I might cry just thinking about it, due to the sheer frustration of not being able to read it right now. OK, yes, I'm like that with a lot of authors, but only the really spectacular ones. Ms. Turner is included.

11. Magic's Pawn, Promise, and Price (The Last Herald-Mage series) by Mercedes Lackey. Say what you will about Ms. Lackey's world building or pacing flaws and, lately, editing process (about which she is laughing all the way to the bank), her characters are almost always compelling, none moreso than good old Vanyel. I love these books. I love many of her books. Fewer lately than I used to, but the Arrows of the Queen series, the Oathbound series, and By the Sword still top my re-read list every couple of years. Because they were friends during a geeky, gawky adolescence, and because the world, though flawed, hides its flaws in a flood of neat stuff going on, and the characters make me want to meet them again and again on their travels.

12. The Lady of the Forest, by Jennifer Roberson. Honestly? It's a toss-up between that and the Sword-Dancer series as to what is my fave of hers. These books made me think while I was lost in them. And they made me lose myself in my own thinking. Since I was a teenager for the Sword-Dancer series, that was quite something.

13. Once a Hero, by Elizabeth Moon. Again, I like most all of her books. But I re-read this one the most, and the ones that follow it. Oh hell, the ones that preceed it, too. I really like Esmay and Herris. I think the world there is fun and twisty and smart. The other book of hers that I admire immensely, but find too hard to re-read at the moment, is The Speed of Dark. I loved it, but it is intense. It's amazing SF, though. Highly recommend it, and others by her. I couldn't get enough of The Deed of Paksenarrion when I read it, but I haven't been able to re-read it. I don't know if it's the book(s), me, or an innate laziness when faced with a really large novel. But it blew me away when I read it.

OK, I think that's enough awesome or memory of awesome for now. There are of course more, but my brain is squishy and I can't think anymore right now. So, um, 13 random bullet points that are about books and authors I love. How's that for skewing a meme?

My dreams last night were filled with dark and wavery lighting, as though everything was lit by candles or moonlight on water. And there was a lot of water – rivers, lakes, fjords, beaches on fjords . . . do fjords have beaches? The one in my dream did.

 

 

( Where fjords have beaches and convenient giant tree trunks )

 

 

That’s the first dream in a long time that I’ve remembered past waking up that wasn’t a complete nightmare, so I thought I’d better write it down before it went away. Also, Scott said I had to. And there are some good elements in here that I might use in a story later. We’ll see.

It is my natal day. And I am older by a year, whee. But on the bright side, I've gone on a mini shopping spree the last two days, so I'm feeling pretty fine. My mommy sent me some monies, and I had coupons for Ann Taylor Loft, so I got a birthday outfit. And a half. And then today my little tootsies were hurting from my sandals, and a very nice person (thank you, Ling) suggested that I buy myself new shoes, and so at lunch I totally did. I have strappy red patent leather sandals that are totally cute, and don't hurt my feet. Yay! Happy Birthday to ME!

This morning I was shown a print that Scott has ordered (but the delivery fairies are apparently taking their time on) for me. It's Waterhouse's "After the Dance" which I absolutely adore, and now I'll get to put it up in the living room and feel all arty and grown up and stuff. My parents, as I said, sent me a little cash. mikigarrison  gave me a box of 64 crayons, 2 coloring books, and some playdough, not to mention Farley the Funky Faux Ferret. (Do you guys remember those weird fuzzy worm things with the invisible string that were supposed to look real and like they were moving on their own? Yeah, that.) Lara gave me some lovely chocolate. Lori came up last weekend and took me to see the Muppet/Jim Hensen exhibit at EMP for its last weekend, and that was really cool. And I've received lots of wonderful well wishes and cards and stuff, which is always nice. Some from family members, too. Both of my brothers (!) have managed to remember my birthday on or close to the actual date. Wow. (Text and Facebook messages, which is better than the usual "Hey, I forgot your birthday again" speech I usually get at xmas.) Later today I get to eat cupcakes. Mmmm, cupcakes. Tonight Scott's taking me to dinner and then we'll either go out to a movie or go home and watch movies, whichever I'm in the mood for.

So all in all, lovely birthday week and some. I'm one of those weird people who like birthdays. I like feeling like the world thinks well of me for at least one day, and that I get to do whatever I feel like (within reason) and indulge myself a little and not feel guilty. It's fun. Hence the new clothes and shoes, even though I know I don't technically need them. Except I do. Because it's my birthday. And cupcakes, I need those too.

Tomorrow, day after my birthday, I'm cutting soda out of my diet completely for almost two months. After that time, I'll add it back in only on special occasions. Because I'm old now, and so is my metabolism, apparently. Meh. But today I totally had a coke and a half at lunch. 'Cuz, you know, birthday. Neener. (Said to my waistline.)

I'm also considering taking a Capoeira class that's offered at my dance studio. I think it might be fun. Either this week or next I'll give it a try and see if I like it enough to continue. Because I need more random bruises, really. Dance isn't supplying me with nearly enough. :p

Onward with the birthday. Cupcakes - Ho!

As a random follow-up to the previous random memage:

The top 15 most played songs on my iPod are: 

1: Island In the Sun - Weezer
2: Fairytale - Sara Bareilles
3. Say - John Mayer
4. Hide and Seek - Imogene Heap
5. Psychobabble - Frou Frou
6. Goodnight and Go - Imogene Heap
7. Ain't Nothing Wrong With That - Robert Randolph and the Family Band
8. Colorblind - Natalie Walker
9. Why Don't You Get a Job? - The Offspring
10. Dragostea Din Tei - O-ZONE
11. Keep Your Head - The Ting Tings
12. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
13. Big Wheel - Tori Amos
14. Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
15. Thick As Thieves - Dashboard Confessional

My 3 most recently added songs are: 
1. Vehicle - Ides of March
2. Zombie Jamboree - Rockapella
3. Ignorance - Paramore

I ... I'm not really sure what this says about me.